I live in plot 10.
The coolest block I know, cool as in temperatures.
Meet, guy next door. He runs a fermentation lab in his apt. There is often a foul smell emanating from his house. Probably I should donate my freezer to him or introduce him to air freshener.
Meet, madam eyebrows across my house. This lady has a very light skin tone and goes out of her way to use very black eye pencil to draw a straight thick line across her face in place of her eyebrows. Now this lady can’t speak English. She is a granny living in a studio block of apartments whose majority occupants are students. She is always out on the corridor shouting for people to turn their music down, she can’t speak English but she knows the word volume so she be like ‘ Weeeeeee, bolume!!!’ then when she sees you aren’t hearing her she takes her mop and begins rattling the rail and hitting the metal bars until everyone is out of their house then points out at the person she want to turn the ‘bolume’ down. The Chinese guy at the corner and I are always in stifles. One day he said to her ‘glandmother, why you fight with baby, you move to a glandpeople apartment’
Meet, madam hilarious upstairs. She has outbursts. Her outbursts are dramatic but all so hilarious to me. She calls people out especially when high. The funniest thing to me is how she throws things out of her bedroom window when she can’t bear them. Her non operating DVD, Her shoes etc. Even more hilarious is one day whilst nursing her hangover she yelled at kids playing outside her bedroom window ‘If you scream at my window again, I will fry you’
Meet rich kid always high. This young man amazes me. Monday, 8am I am heading to work and young man is chilling by the watchmen’s drinking straight from a bottle of very expensive liquor with some more liquor in a paper bag. Like his thirst is so much he can’t even get to his house
Meet my watchman. One who can’t pronounce his name, his name is Frank but says frango. He is the coolest guy ever, if covering for cheating spouses is anything to go by.
Meet freaky short lady with dreadlocks who rides a bike and lives across the hall. Girl one day had me thinking she was being strangled only to be told it was noises marking happy times.
Met lady who cleans her own clothes at night downstairs singing catholic tunes at a pitch higher than Mariah Carey. This lass drives a nice fielder which always has catholic tunes playing at volume twedi five. What amazes me is how sharp her tone is and how loud she sings at 10pm oblivious of the time of night. Thank God for dramatic neighbors who always shout at her.
Met, lady right above me who I believe is fundi. This lady is always pounding something. What I hate the most is she decides to pound on the floor above my bedroom on Saturday at 7am. Can she also fix her bed, for someone who turns twenty times a night; a creaky bed isn’t your friend. Then again, my bed creaks too, I may need her to come and fix it.
Met very religious muslim guy who wakes up every day at 5 am to pray.
Finally meet glandmother number two who lives on the ground floor who prays loudly every day from 6 am-8pm. I must commend her though, the other day she was praying in my mother tongue and I heard her pray for our president asking God to hold his hand and lead Ole Lenku to deal with terrorists.. You would have thought she was praying about her kids. I was really touched.
Part 2 coming soon.